#YouStillHavePower

Hello friends! Happy 4th of July! 

Today I have another Hopeful Thought for you. But in all fairness, I want to warn you up front that this one deals with the coming Presidential election.

How funny! I can actually hear you all groaning! I couldn’t have organized that if I’d tried. 

Seriously though, before you all click away, I promise I am not trying to endorse a specific candidate or particular party or ideology. I would be struck by lightning instantly because the dominant mantra of my life is “Don’t tell me what to do or think.”

No, the reason I wanted to talk about the election is because 

I have already cried about it twice. 

The choice laid before me is impossible.

I am all for a woman in the Oval Office. That would be awesome. And if Hillary Clinton represents your values and the kind of government you want this country to have, you should vote for her. And be very hopeful.

I cannot.

If you are tired of being PC and having to be patient with other countries threatening us, then Trump is your guy. But he does not represent my values or hopes for this country.

I cannot make that choice either.

I feel strongly that it is my duty to vote in all elections, on all issues that concern my community. I am not super involved in politics, local or national, but I value the fact that I have a say in what the Powers That Be choose to do with my community and tax dollars. But what do you do when neither candidate represents the America I want to see? When neither seems to value the policies most important to you? And when there are only two choices. I have wondered and prayed about this for months. I am rarely this confused about what to do.

At some point, something tickled in my head, and I remembered the option of a “write in’ candidate.

My first idea was just to think of someone, anyone who would make a better President than the people I had to choose from. I thought instantly of my dear friend’s husband. (Who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent). He’s a federal judge, has a wicked good sense of humor, and is a walking encyclopedia of legal and political history, both American and foreign. He would hate being President, but he would do a good job and he certainly has the right background for it.

And then I remembered what someone said to me at the Primaries. They told me I was “throwing away my vote” by voting for someone other than the candidate most likely to beat Trump. I was furious, because I had done my homework and had my own good reasons for voting the way I did. And besides, MY vote! Hello?! 

But since then, I have thought about the heart of what he was saying. While there is power in the individual voice, in politics there is greater power in the group. So I started to rethink my write in candidate. 

Sorry, sweet judge. Maybe another time. 

(Hear his sigh of relief?)

I started thinking about who was a viable, electable candidate, with national name recognition. This person might not represent my exact personal values and political priorities, but should come much closer than the current Republican or Democrat Party candidates. Who came close to representing my hopes for the future of this country?

My answer was very clear. There is only one political candidate that I have ever identified with in my entire life. And his is a household name. I am not the only person who would think to vote for him. 

Bingo!

So, on Election Day, for the first time in my life, I will not be checking any boxes that state a Presidential candidate’s name. I will be writing a name in on the line marked “Other.” The Founding Fathers knew this day might come, the day that the two parties failed to reflect the values and wishes of the people they had been sent to represent. They gave us the potential to override popular voting options with a write in candidate. It has happened at a smaller level in the past. The most notable is the 1960 election where JFK won two state Presidential Primaries via write in. There is great power in my vote if I cast it wisely, with an eye to what is possible. 

There is great power in your vote too.

This is an important election, friends. Set aside some time to do your homework. Think hard about what is important to you. Then vote your conscience. Write someone in, if you need to. It’s all a part of the blessing and responsibility of being an American.

And whomever your choice, Please, Please, Please vote.

Talk to you soon,

CM Shaw

#WriteinRomney

#Youstillhavepower

Hopeful Thoughts: Gifts vs Goals

Something insanely exciting happened since we last hung out. Something that I have been working towards for years. Years, people! Blood, sweat, and tears o'plenty. So would you like to know what happened? What made me feel like a rock star and a domestic goddess and a reasonable adult all at the same time?

Here, I'll just show you.

My entire house is clean. 

All at the same time. 

Well at least all the public areas. It's a miracle, I tell you. Cue the angel voices.

Come on and  check it out: 

Here's the basement.

Yes, I admit it is a little insane to take pictures of my entire house, just to prove it was all clean at the same time. But you have no idea how much I have put into this endeavor. I have been trying to make this possible for the last 15 years, and I have spent the last 2 years putting ALL my free time towards this goal. 

I know I sound like I'm at Messy House Annonmous, "Hi, I'm CM Shaw and I can't get my house clean..." and I'm OK with that. But I wanted to show everyone I know all you guys that attaining your goals is possible. Even hard ones. I love things but I can't be bothered to clean regularly so this was a huge one for me. 

Unfortunately, if was fleeting. About 20 min after the above photos were taken it looked like this:

We fed the entire Varsity Girl's Soccer Team. 

It's cool. My goal wasn't actually to maintain a clean house. I despise my children when my house is clean, becuase I know they are going to mess it up the second they walk in. For  the sake of family health and harmony, my goal was for it to be possible to clean my entire house in less than a week. 

It took me 4 days.  I was stunned. Completely speechless. I don't know that I ever thought through how I would feel if I actually made it happen. I'll be honest. There were tears. And a triumphant call to my mother. And a post on Instagram. I know. Ridiculous. But let me remind you where I started, when I was living in Before. 

I bring all this up, firstly for total self aggrandizement, but mostly because I have been thinking a lot about goals. I set the goal to get my house "magazine shoot" beautiful at least 4 years ago. And while I still have a bit more left to hit that lofty goal, I am getting pretty close. So of course, I have launched off on another huge goal: to design and decorate my sister's house in Portland, Oregon by the middle of August.

She bought her house 2 or 3 years ago, but never really moved into it. She was working a lot and had roommates with furniture and tons of debris, so she just kind of slept there and ignored it all. She recently went through a huge round of soul searching and decided it was time to get rid of the roommates and their stuff and make her cute little ranch house her own. Now I will probably be telling you more about this project in the future, so forgive me for not going into much more detail today. 

Today we are going to talk about her office.

It's the smallest room in the house, but it is perfect for her to work from home and actually get something done. And she has a great love for all things Alice in Wonderland, so that is our theme.

And in my feverish Pinteresting our calm and measured design conversations, we decided to go with a color scheme like the above movie poster. While looking for wall colors, I found this awesome pin from Living With Lupus https://www.pinterest.com/pin/79798224625985400/ . (I tried to pull it up here, but alas, I am not super tech savvy.) Anyway, the point is light blue-grey-green walls, waterfall of fantastic plates, clocks, and over-scale flowers. Very "Wonderland meets Productivity", right? 

So, still flush with my recent cleaning success, I dove right in. I have been to every thrift shop within 20 miles of my house in the last three days. Yes, there has been dinner. No the laundry's not folded and most things are no longer clean. But look what I have found!

So many beauties!

I scored at almost every location I went to. And they were mostly $3 or less. 

By this point, I had decided I was the best "wall plate finder for a plate waterfall over a desk" ever. 

Then I started looking for red plates and purple plates. And clocks. 

Nothing. Nada. No juice anywhere.

And it stopped being fun. Finding these things RIGHT NOW was all I could think about. I scoured the internet seeing what I could find. I thought about building clocks or if Ikea sold them cheap. I looked on Ebay for red plates and found that I hated all of them as they were either plain red, or Christmas themed. Boo. I was thinking about plates as I went to sleep at night and as I woke up I was frantic to start looking again. 

Yesterday, as I was driving to my third thrift shop of the day, I thought to myself, 

 "Am I working this a little too hard?" 

Um...Yes. Yes you are. 

Obsession anyone? 

And that's when I realized there are Goals...and there are Gifts.

Goals are the things we want to accomplish. They take effort and planning and time and energy. And sometimes money. And you are pretty much in control of whether they happen or not. 

Then there are the Gifts.

Gifts are the things that fall out of the sky and help you achieve your goals. Things like cheap, pretty plates at thrift shops in just the colors you were looking for. Or the exact piece of furniture you were hoping to find on the side of the road. Just waiting for you to save it.

The thing about Gifts, is that you have NO CONTROL of them. 

They just happen to you. 

You find them. 

And I had gotten cocky...and ...dare I say it...Greedy.

Yes, I assumed the Universe would grant me what ever I asked of it, at least in the plate department, RIGHT NOW. Because it always works that way...right?

NO! No, it  never works that way. You have to wait for it. 

And that, my friend, is the difference between Gifts and Goals. This disparity becomes relevant mostly because we are a productive, focused lot. We like to finish Today. We don't like it when things are In. The. Way. We want things to wrap up nicely and neatly. And as soon as possible. No loose ends here.

When they don't, we get frustrated. We think, "Why isn't this stupid thing done yet? Freaking Sistine Chapel!" And we apply ourselves even harder. We try to steal the Gifts, by forcing it. By going anywhere we think they might be. By spending all night on Craigslist. By putting in too much effort. And we lose the fun and the wonder of it all in our search for completion and working through our List. 

Well, the good news is, I came to my senses and I am not doing any more plate hunting until the day after tomorrow, when there are about a billion garage sales in my area. But another funny thing has happened since I stopped looking. I realized there were other things going on in my life, that I had forgotten about. Like watering my recently transplanted trees. I love to water them and see how my garden changes from day to day. I had been so busy seeking, that I forgot to look at my garden, which is a daily Gift. And I forgot to read Harry Potter to my 8 year old. Another Gift. And I almost forgot to watch "Fixer Upper." Gasp! I know, right? I told you I was obsessed.

As I drop the obsession, I can see that abundance which fills my life. 

So if you are pushing really hard on something, and find yourself getting frustrated, take a second and ask yourself, "Am I trying to steal a Gift? Or am I working through a Goal?" If you are stealing a Gift, take a step back and just relax a little. Look around and see what else you could do to keep yourself busy until the Gift chooses to reveal itself. Or you could always work on another Goal. I always have plenty to spare. Keep the effort going to the things you can control. And have patience and faith to wait for the things that you can't.

Do you guys ever find Gifts? 

Or get wrapped in in seeking things? 

I'd love to hear your stories.

Talk to you soon,

CM Shaw

Hopeful Thoughts: Today's Work

March was a blur for me. 

My mother and my sister came to visit and we went many places and had much fun. 

Can you believe my mom just turned 70? She's such a babe! 

Here she and my sister are at the Philadelphia Flower Show. 

They brought me spring. 

My mind has been freed of something, like the clearness of the air after a huge storm. 

And then there was Spring Break, with all that my children wanted to do 

and visiting some dear friends in another state, and Easter. 

And then my projects started again. Big projects. The kind that have been on the back burner for ages, because you know once you start, it's full stream ahead. I started two of those in the last two weeks. 

It has been glorious.

And I haven't even told you about the pending birthday party or the drama over prom dates and soccer games or the child that needs extra help in school or the carpool that isn't really working out. Then there's the poor husband who is working 24/7 to complete a major project that he found out last week was due at the end of the month, when it normally isn't due until July.

There's a lot moving in my life right now. 

Actually...always. 

And it was worse when I was running barn sales. 

I know you understand. You have all the things and events and life that comes with being involved in things and other people. You have your own dreams and goals and want to support the dreams and goals of those around you. And there is always so much. In every direction.

But during the barn sale years, I discovered a little trick that saved me. 

And like all brilliant ideas that save you in a pinch, when the crisis was over, 

I promptly forgot it.

But with all the hoohah I have been living in, I recently remembered that the only way to make it sanely through all the overload is by focusing on Today's Work.

Today's Work is simply deciding what are the absolutely "must accomplish" things for that day. You figure that out, allowing for what you want to do most, and what your family and personal schedule will actually allow for, and then you stop worrying about the rest of it. And when that work is done, you stop for the day and rest and breathe. 

You don't add to the list. You don't plan more than you have time for. You think it through really carefully, with an eye to being kind to yourself, and an eye on what is actually humanly possible in the course of one day. And then you stop adding things. And you only think about what's on your list. You do only that, in what ever order most pleases you. 

That is Today's Work.

It saved me so much stress. I worried so much less, because I knew I would actually get stuff done. And that I couldn't do any more than what was on my list. It's hard to feel bad about yourself when you know you've done all you can with your day. And that you met all your goals. It's a very happy way to live.

If you need to think about things coming in the future, you write in time to plan. If you want to read your book and it's going to expire soon, you add reading for "x" amount of time into that day's plan every day until you're done. If you need to do the laundry, but you also want to do lunch with a friend, they both become Today's Work, if that seems to fit your schedule. 

The point here is to take a few minutes in the morning, or on a Sunday afternoon and plan what its you have to do that week or day along with what you want to do most. If you go day by day, most of the time, they both fit. Admittedly, this is harder if you have a job or small children. But I think it could apply if you modify your expectations to what is possible in your life.

Keep in mind, for this to work out, you have to be painfully honest about what is actually possible for you to do in a day. If you have a lower energy level, reorganizing your entire kitchen in a day is not going to happen. You cannot clean every single bedroom and bathroom in a 4 bdrm 3 bath house and still wash your car, your dog, your children, and run the PTA meeting that night. Well maybe you could do it once...But not every single day. Be reasonable in your planning. Include meal prep times, driving children places, favorite TV shows, showering time, exercise time, and things you really want to do along with all the dishes and cleaning and mom-ing. Because that is all work. When you finish, you have accomplished something. You should feel the happiness that comes from crossing something OFF THE LIST. 

And you should consider the things you want to do just as valid as the things you have to do. Just because an activity is pleasant and chosen, doesn't mean it isn't work, or that it shouldn't be considered an accomplishment. On the contrary, allowing yourself to live your own life in the face of all the Many Things may be the biggest accomplishment of them all.

So think about it. What do you need to do? What do you want to do most? What do you have to do? Write them down. Look at your calendar and see which day they best fit on. Then make your decisions. What is each day's work? What will you allow and what will you place on another day? If you have trouble deciding, say a little prayer. God will help you know. 

And once you have decided, let every thing else go. Don't think about the laundry in your bedroom if it's not Today's Work. Add it to another day's list. Focus on the work you have chosen. Make reminders for the next day's plan, but do not carry that extra work. Trust that to the energy from another day. I promise that "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof". Unless, of course, you decide to add a bunch more stuff to your day.

And if you plan too much or to little, don't despair. Don't beat yourself up.  You are doing this for the first time. Forgive yourself. Try again, but think about how much time things really take you, and plan a little less or a little more. Keep trying and keep focusing and keep letting go. 

Hopefully you will find yourself more able to breathe. More satisfied. Less lost in what "should be done". Less worried about forgetting something. More at home in your own life.

Which are all good things. Maybe the best kinds of things. 

What have you guys found helps when life is overwhelming? 

I know I am not the only one who lives their life like this.

Talk to you soon,

CM Shaw

Today's Hopeful Thought: Dishes and Gifts.

Hi friends. I am so glad you all decided to come back. And for those of you who keep come back to see what nonsense I have posted every. single. week, I just have to say...

I like you so much. 

Seriously. 

You make me feel sane, which is much more of an accomplishment than it should be.

I have spent the week rattling against my "stay at home mom"-ness. Do you guys do that? I just cannot find meaning in the relentless onslaught of dishes and cooking and carpooling. To the point that I am crying by 10 am, a sure sign of trauma, just thinking about all those dishes and meals and carpools. I spent 2 hours doing dishes the other day. Seriously. 2 hours. I almost died. Except I didn't. 

I did cry though, before I started the washing. And there might have been a bit of journal writing and a prayer said for good measure. And then I thought about what I would have liked to do if I wasn't doing dishes (or dreading doing dishes.) What did I feel like I was missing out on, to prompt all these tears and disillusionment?

My answer was super lame and super wise.

I want to do something fun. 

Hmm. Fun. For me, fun usually involves other people, and laughing and talking and ....loud music. 

Hmm...loud music is fun. 

And where there is loud music, there is dancing. 

And where there is loud music and dancing, there is a... 

DANCE PARTY!! WHOO HOO!

I decided to have a dance party doing the dishes. 

I totally did. I cranked up the "Discover Weekly" list on Spotify and shook my booty while I scrubbed and soaked. For 2 hours. 

Now, was it the best party I've ever had? Absolutely not. Was it the best time I ever had doing dishes on a Tuesday morning? Totally. Except for that time I was washing dishes at my parents house in high school with that cute boy and we ended up getting in a soap suds fight and ....Oh, sorry. The correct answer is "Best. Dance Party Dish Washing. Ever."

At any rate, the time passed quickly and before I knew it I had a whole bunch of new songs starred for my play list the dishes done and the kitchen floor swept. A jolly time was had by all, well by me at least, and the work got done, finally.

So, since then, I have been thinking. 

What if everything that happens to us is a gift? 

Even dirty dishes, and car accidents, and breakups we didn't see coming? Along with unexpected birthday flowers and loosing 80 lbs after being overweight our whole life? What if sometimes it just takes an enormous amount of creativity to "unwrap" the gift? (not unlike that stiff plastic they use to keep small children away from their toys at Christmas requiring intricate razor blade and blowtorch skills to open, all while said small child is reaching and wailing wildly for said toy. Not that anything like that has ever happened to me)

I was raised with the idea that everything we experience is for our good. But what if it is more than just an experience? What if it all really is a Gift? The capital letter kind that shapes and molds our lives in ways we could never imagine. The kind of Gift that pushes us towards become who we most want to be? To the things that define us. To the outcomes we would most value at the end of this little life. 

I have been chewing on this idea for a number of years, and it has changed how I look at the things that make me cry. If I try really hard, and think and pray about it, there is always a golden egg there in the mud. The harder the experience and the harder the egg is to find, the bigger the impact for good on my life. I promise. I have tried this over and over and over again. I have always found a Gift.

Give it a shot. Look at the crappiest thing in your life and try to find the gift. It will be hard to see. It will take time and a change in perspective and perhaps a prayer or two or twenty. It will take a strong heart and a stout belief in your own worth. But it's there. Just waiting for you to find it and be filled with wonder at how things in our strange little lives work together to weave such a beautiful tapestry.

Well that's all I've got for today. But stay tuned, because next week I'm gonna tell you guys about a bunch of stuff you don't know about me. 

I know, right? 

I can't wait either!

And please, please tell me if you have found any Golden eggs in the mud? Any Gifts. I would love, love, love to hear those stories.

Talk to you soon,

CM Shaw

The Beginning of "Hopeful Thoughts"

Has God ever asked you to do something? Or have you ever just had the same persistent thought to do something a bit out of your comfort zone eat at you?  I am not talking about parting the Red Sea or calling any Roman emperors to repent or anything. But something small, like asking you to write to a friend and apologize for the fight you had 5 years ago that made it hard to be friends, even if it wasn't your fault? Or to go talk to the person living alone in your neighborhood that you have never met and only see pulling in and out of their garage?

Well God has asked me to do something small, that scares the crap out of me. I am supposed to share a weekly Hopeful Thought with you guys. 

I know. Huge, right? 

Now it's not that I have any problem telling anyone about what I am thinking. Usually it takes a gigantic effort on my part NOT to say what's on my mind. My issue here is simply that I am afraid that talking about my view of the Universe will make you guys think I am crazy  people's eyes glaze over with boredom. Or worse, bring out people's argumentative natures. I really, really want to be a source of hope for my readers. But I have no idea what you guys need to hope for. Or that I can accomplish this lofty goal. I am not an academic or prophet or expert. I am simply a basement philosopher who talks to everybody. But not quite like the homeless guy on the corner. He doesn't have a blog.

Still, my experience has been that when I do these hard, small things that God asks, crazy amazing things start to happen. And I am too curious to see where this goes to let my fears win.

So here goes, my first Hopeful Thought:

I recently found out that a friend was in the process of getting divorced. I was shocked. They had always been a "best friends' type of couple. They shared everything, liked the same things. They were even in business together. As the shock has ebbed and I have thought more about what this means in their daily life, I have wondered what to say to my friend. I have no details about what happened, or who instigated the divorce, and frankly, it really isn't any of my business. 

So I started thinking about what would be helpful, as these days of duking it out over business rights and home ownership and child custody roll on. What blessing would I want when my whole life was shredding right before my eyes?

And I had the oddest thought pop into my mind. I saw waves of fire consuming a forest, and then a little girl planting trees and wildflowers in the soil enriched by the fresh ash. 

This image reminded me of a time when a dear, dear friend and I had to part ways. It was an explosive separation that rocked my life like a nuclear bomb going off. But one very unexpected thing happened. I was blessed to see how hard my friend, a vivacious, private, passionate woman, was holding back her wrath, keeping her words, as our relationship dissolved, as kind as she could bare. It was one last beautiful gift, in honor of the friendship we had shared for so many years. And it is something I have tried to cultivate in myself, especially with my husband and children. There is tremendous power in being kind when you are trying so crazy hard to just be civil. That kind of respect builds bridges that we don't see until we are standing on them.

That ability is what I would wish for my divorcing friend. That she and her former spouse can remember to be kind, even as the fires rage all around them. For they are much more likely to be able to build a loving, if separate, world for their children, where kindness was used even in the hours of greatest darkness. And if they cannot be together, than a peaceful co-existence would be the next best thing, I think. It would pave the way for light to return to all of them and mitigate so much pain. 

I thought Cinderella's lovely motto "Have Courage and Be Kind" was nicely relevant. 

Plus, they are such a dreamy couple... 

As for being a hopeful thought, I think that if we can have enough sense to be kind in our words and deeds when all hell is breaking loose, then we have a lot more going for us than we thought. It is amazing to me how far our efforts can reach. The good we all are capable of. And how powerful our actions Now can be to change the future for the better.

Talk to you soon,

CM Shaw